This is third article in this series. (Click here to read Part 1.) Both partners form a certain image of the other and along with that create certain expectations in their minds. However, it is next to impossible that partners will meet expectations as per the image in their mind about the other. This is one of the ingredients in the recipe for unhappy relationships and marriages. The fact is each person is bound to act with the nature he or she is born with. Can you ever expect a tiger changing its nature to a deer and vice-versa? You can not! However, lucky for us, to some extent humans can change their nature overtime. To save this marriage or relationship, you can try to change your partner, but understand the changes may come slowly or may not come at all so be prepared to accept your partner as they are.
I am not suggesting you accept your partner blindly. Or on the other hand look for another partner because new partner will come with new differences so in either case you would have to deal with differences in nature. My suggestion is, if you would like to save this marriage or relationship, carefully analyze and understand your partner’s nature, try to make changes where your partner is willing change, and adapt yourself to deal with your partner’s nature, where he/she you know will not change.
The other common mistake is partners enter into a relationship with an attitude that they have a right over the other partner to place demands; after all, they have earned this by committing rest of their life to this relationship. Such dictatorial attitude only creates resentment in the other partner. Overtime, this sinks a marriage or any relationship. To save this marriage or any relationship, you must form an attitude of duty and service and NOT of rights and demands. You must think in terms of your duty towards your partner and how best you can serve your partner. Such an attitude from both partners can bring happiness and harmony to marriage or any relationship.
You might say what if I do it but my partner doesn’t reciprocate in the same way. While in this case, it can be difficult to save your marriage or relationship, but always remember this; a true service is done without the expectation of any thing in return and second no action goes unrewarded. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Somehow through society or others goodness will come back to you. This is the law of nature. You can see this law in action by looking at the lives of many famous people, for example, Gandhi, Martin L. King, who gave without expecting anything in return and they received multifold in return. I am only mentioning theses examples to substantiate that the nature’s law works and it will work for you as well.
I hope you will reflect on the wisdom behind these suggestions. Once you connect with the wisdom in these higher values, your intellect strengthens your resolve with the support of your consciousness. With this strength, you can control your mind’s whims and demands that create disharmony within you. This, I hope, in turn will help you create harmony and happiness in any unhappy relationship and save this marriage.
